I thought I always had self love! I was proud of myself for the way I dealt with things that had occurred in my life and I allowed other people to see me! I never pretended to be someone I wasn’t and I have always been brutally honest. I can’t lie well because the truth is written all over my face. But one day when I walked in to see my spiritual healer she said. “I have been waiting for this day since the first time I met you!” I was thinking wow that’s really exciting is she going to tell me I am going to win the lotto? Am I going to have a dream holiday? No! she told me that as long as she had known me and could see the real me, which was a couple of years, my heart was blue. I had no love in my heart, I did not love myself.
I was blown away. I wanted to tell her that is not true! I have always been happy and proud of who I am of course I love myself! However, I trust her implicitly and continued to listen. As we worked through the session I realised I was scared of feeling love from others and for myself. Why? Because at a young age my dad died tragically and obviously broke my heart. I was scared to have it broken again so although I thought I loved myself, I had a shield of protection that I had subconsciously put around my heart in fact around my whole body! I didn’t even realise! It was stopping me from feeling what life could truly be.
After that session which was 8 weeks ago I have meditated everyday and basically focussed on self love meditation. I didn’t even realise life could feel this way. I didn’t actually love myself I was just happy when people around me felt my love and when people around me were happy. Now I see life in a whole different way. I have this amazing feeling that I get from my heart like a vibration from the universe and an endless supply of love pumping through my veins. I honestly have never felt this way in my life and now that I am putting it out there into the universe I can see that not only is it making me happy it is making people around me happier as well.
I didn’t realise that fear was ruling my life, my every decision. I would think “what if this doesn’t work ” , “What if it’s a mistake”. Now I have confidence in the universe that it has my back and if I do the right thing and love myself, my true self, then things will be good actually things will be great.
The law of attraction is coming into play again. I am putting love out into the universe and I am getting it back in abundance. Who knew life could feel this amazing? Looking back this lesson I learnt was far more exciting that winning the lotto or going on my dream holiday because this has changed my life forever!
MS has taught me self love and with that comes the healing. Maybe for me MS stands for My Self and it’s time to focus on that!!